I feel like a fat pig. No matter what I do, I keep gaining and getting larger. I hate it. I try to restrict my calories, just like I used to do (so many times before), and I can't stick to it. I always end up binging like crazy at night, when my husband is home, and then therefore cannot purge. I know I shouldn't purge, but it's the only fall back I ever had if I slipped up... in which I have been an enormous amount of late.

It drives me crazy that just last year, exact date, I was 109 lbs. And now... I'm disgusting.

I need to get back on the 2-4 6-8 diet I did in the past. It worked so damn well then. BAH! I need it to work again. Or else I'm gonna lose my mind.

age - 31
height - 5'4
weight - 135 LBS
BMI - 23.17

5 more pounds and i will be at my first goal. this is taking way too long this time around. it seems as though i have lost my ability to lose weight quickly at will. i believe it is mainly because i have breached my thirties. being that my birthday just passed and i have officially become an old bitty. 31 is too much for me. the only good thing that has accompanied my aging is libido (which has, until only recently, been completely non-existent for the last 5 years). only now, i can't seem to be satiated what-so-ever. i know. i know. tmi. well screw you. this is my zany blog. thank you very much.

whoever you may be. which you probably aren't. anyway.....

i am extremely bulbous. my ass has spread out in a very bad way. i need to get back on the ball. haven't been to the gym in a week. BAH!

school starts in a month or so. and then this losing thing will be even harder due to the fact that teaching overtakes all of my senses and will.

i'm ranting. rambling. and making no sense. as usual.

i wish i had something of interest to tell the world, yet unfortunately my life is boring and mild. i have been purging occasionally, but nothing to do any good. my H is around too often and he is currently dead set against any of my ED antics. well, other then heading to the gym.

when he lost his job prior to the beginning of summer, he spent so much time at the gym that he has gotten unbelievably hotter. or... it's the age thing. there have been studies on how women reach their sexual peak in their thirities. maybe it is actually happening to me now. whatever it is, i like it.

age - 31
height - 5'4
weight - 135 LBS
BMI - 23.17